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Excuses Heard By Rescuers
No author claiming this but for certain, someone has heard them all!
Hello: You have reached 123-4567, Tender Hearts Rescue. Due to the high volume of calls we have been receiving, please listen closely to the
following options and choose the one that best describes you or your situation:
Press 1 if you think we are veterinarians and want free medical advice.
Press 2 if you know we are a rescue organization but want to save money and have us give you free, untrained medical advice anyway.
Press 3 if you make $200,000 a year but still want us to pay to spay the "stray" in your yard (house).
Press 4 if you have a 10-year-old dog and your 15-year-old son has suddenly become allergic and you need to find the dog a new home right
away.
Press 5 if you have three dogs, had a baby and want to get rid of your dogs because you are the only person in the world to have a baby and
dogs at the same time.
Press 6 if your dog is sick a nd needs a vet but you need the money for your vacation.
Press 7 if you just got a brand new puppy and your old dog is having problems adjusting so you want to get rid of the old one right away.
Press 8 if your little puppy has grown up and is no longer small and cute and you want to trade it in for a new model.
Press 9 if you are elderly and want to adopt a cute puppy who is not active and is going to outlive you.
Press 10 if your relative has died and you don’t want to care for their elderly dog because it does not’t fit your lifestyle.
Press 11 if you are moving today and need to immediately place your 150 pound, 8-year-old dog.
Press 12 if you want an unpaid volunteer to come to your home today and pick up the dog you no longer want.
Press 13 if you have been feeding and caring for a "stray" for the last three years, are moving and suddenly determine its not your dog.
Press 14 if you are calling at 6a.m. To make sure you wake me up before I have to go to work so you can drop a dog off on your way to work.
Press 15 to leave us an anonymous garbled message, letting us know you have left a dog in our yard in the middle of January, which is in fact,
better than just leaving the dog with no message.
Press 16 if you are going to get angry because we are not going to take your dog that you have had for fifteen years, because it is not our
responsibility.
Press 17 if you are going to threaten to take your ten year old dog to be euthanized because I wont take it.
Press18 if you’re going to get angry because the volunteers had the audacity to go on vacation and leave the dogs in care of a trusted volunteer
who is not authorized to take your personal pet.
Press 19 if you want one of our perfectly trained, housebroken, kid and cat friendly purebred tiny dogs that we have an abundance of.
Press 20 if you want us to take your dog that has a slight aggression problem, i.e. Has only bitten a few people and killed your neighbor’s cats.
Press 21 if you have already called once and been told we don’t take personal surrenders but thought you would get a different person this time
with a different answer.
Press 22 if you want us to use space that would go to a stray to board your personal dog while you are on vacation, free of charge, of course.
Press 23 if it is Christmas Eve or Easter morning and you want me to deliver an eight week old puppy to your house by 6:30 am before your kids
wake up.
Press 24 if you have bought your children a duckling, chick or baby bunny for Easter and it is now Christmas and no longer cute.
Press 25 if you want us to take your female dog who has already had ten litters, but we can’t spay her because she is pregnant again and it is
against your religion.
Press 26 if you're lying to make one of our younger volunteers feel bad and take your personal pet off your hands.
Press 27 if your cat is biting and not using the litter box because it is de clawed, but are not willing to accept the responsibility that the cat's
behavior is altered because of your nice furniture.
Press 28 if your two year old male dog is marking all over your house but you just haven’t gotten around to having him neutered.
Press 29 if you previously had an outdoor only dog and are calling because she is suddenly pregnant.
Press 30 if you have done "everything" to housebreak your dog and have had no success but you don’t want to crate the dog because it is cruel.
Press 31 if you didn’t listen to the message asking for an evening phone number and you left your work number when all volunteers are also
working and you are angry because no one called you back.
Press 32 if you need a puppy immediately and cannot wait because today is your daughter’s birthday and you forgot when she was born.
Press 33 if your dog’s coat doesn’t match your new furniture and you need a different color or breed.
Press 34 if your new love doesn’t like your dog and you are too stupid to get rid of the new friend (who will dump you in the next month anyway)
instead of the dog.
Press 35 if you went through all these presses and didn’t hear enough. This press will connect you to the sounds of tears being shed by one of our
volunteers who is holding a discarded old dog while the vet mercifully frees him from of the grief of missing his family.
WE SALUTE YOU RESCUERS AND VOLUNTEERS!!!
No author claiming this but for certain, someone has heard them all!
Hello: You have reached 123-4567, Tender Hearts Rescue. Due to the high volume of calls we have been receiving, please listen closely to the
following options and choose the one that best describes you or your situation:
Press 1 if you think we are veterinarians and want free medical advice.
Press 2 if you know we are a rescue organization but want to save money and have us give you free, untrained medical advice anyway.
Press 3 if you make $200,000 a year but still want us to pay to spay the "stray" in your yard (house).
Press 4 if you have a 10-year-old dog and your 15-year-old son has suddenly become allergic and you need to find the dog a new home right
away.
Press 5 if you have three dogs, had a baby and want to get rid of your dogs because you are the only person in the world to have a baby and
dogs at the same time.
Press 6 if your dog is sick a nd needs a vet but you need the money for your vacation.
Press 7 if you just got a brand new puppy and your old dog is having problems adjusting so you want to get rid of the old one right away.
Press 8 if your little puppy has grown up and is no longer small and cute and you want to trade it in for a new model.
Press 9 if you are elderly and want to adopt a cute puppy who is not active and is going to outlive you.
Press 10 if your relative has died and you don’t want to care for their elderly dog because it does not’t fit your lifestyle.
Press 11 if you are moving today and need to immediately place your 150 pound, 8-year-old dog.
Press 12 if you want an unpaid volunteer to come to your home today and pick up the dog you no longer want.
Press 13 if you have been feeding and caring for a "stray" for the last three years, are moving and suddenly determine its not your dog.
Press 14 if you are calling at 6a.m. To make sure you wake me up before I have to go to work so you can drop a dog off on your way to work.
Press 15 to leave us an anonymous garbled message, letting us know you have left a dog in our yard in the middle of January, which is in fact,
better than just leaving the dog with no message.
Press 16 if you are going to get angry because we are not going to take your dog that you have had for fifteen years, because it is not our
responsibility.
Press 17 if you are going to threaten to take your ten year old dog to be euthanized because I wont take it.
Press18 if you’re going to get angry because the volunteers had the audacity to go on vacation and leave the dogs in care of a trusted volunteer
who is not authorized to take your personal pet.
Press 19 if you want one of our perfectly trained, housebroken, kid and cat friendly purebred tiny dogs that we have an abundance of.
Press 20 if you want us to take your dog that has a slight aggression problem, i.e. Has only bitten a few people and killed your neighbor’s cats.
Press 21 if you have already called once and been told we don’t take personal surrenders but thought you would get a different person this time
with a different answer.
Press 22 if you want us to use space that would go to a stray to board your personal dog while you are on vacation, free of charge, of course.
Press 23 if it is Christmas Eve or Easter morning and you want me to deliver an eight week old puppy to your house by 6:30 am before your kids
wake up.
Press 24 if you have bought your children a duckling, chick or baby bunny for Easter and it is now Christmas and no longer cute.
Press 25 if you want us to take your female dog who has already had ten litters, but we can’t spay her because she is pregnant again and it is
against your religion.
Press 26 if you're lying to make one of our younger volunteers feel bad and take your personal pet off your hands.
Press 27 if your cat is biting and not using the litter box because it is de clawed, but are not willing to accept the responsibility that the cat's
behavior is altered because of your nice furniture.
Press 28 if your two year old male dog is marking all over your house but you just haven’t gotten around to having him neutered.
Press 29 if you previously had an outdoor only dog and are calling because she is suddenly pregnant.
Press 30 if you have done "everything" to housebreak your dog and have had no success but you don’t want to crate the dog because it is cruel.
Press 31 if you didn’t listen to the message asking for an evening phone number and you left your work number when all volunteers are also
working and you are angry because no one called you back.
Press 32 if you need a puppy immediately and cannot wait because today is your daughter’s birthday and you forgot when she was born.
Press 33 if your dog’s coat doesn’t match your new furniture and you need a different color or breed.
Press 34 if your new love doesn’t like your dog and you are too stupid to get rid of the new friend (who will dump you in the next month anyway)
instead of the dog.
Press 35 if you went through all these presses and didn’t hear enough. This press will connect you to the sounds of tears being shed by one of our
volunteers who is holding a discarded old dog while the vet mercifully frees him from of the grief of missing his family.
WE SALUTE YOU RESCUERS AND VOLUNTEERS!!!
| TEN COMMANDMENTS OF A RESPONSIBLE PET OWNER 1. My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any SEPARATION from you will be painful for me. 2. Give me time to UNDERSTAND what you want of me. 3. Place your trust in me...it is CRUCIAL for my well-being. 4. Don't be angry with me for long, and don't lock me up for my punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment. I HAVE ONLY YOU! 5. TALK to me. Even if I don't understand your words, I understand your VOICE when it's speaking to me. 6. Be aware that HOWEVER you treat me, I'll NEVER forget it. 7. Before you hit me, REMEMBER that I have teeth that could easily crush the bones in your hand, but I choose not to bite you. 8.Before you scold be for being lazy or uncooperative, ASK YOURSELF if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right food, I've been out in the sun too long, or my heart may be getting old and weak. 9.TAKE CARE of me when I get old...You too, will grow old. 10. GO WITH ME on difficult journeys. Never say, "I can't bear to watch it" or, "Let it happen on my absence." Everything is easier for ME if YOU are there. Above all, remember that I LOVE YOU! Author Unknown |
| ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~ |
| Puppy's Prayer Now I lay me down to sleep, The king-size bed is soft and deep.. I sleep right in the center groove My human being can hardly move! I've trapped her legs, she's tucked in tight And here is where I pass the night No one disturbs me or dares intrude Till morning comes and "I want food!" I sneak up slowly to begin My nibbles on my human's chin. She wakes up quickly, I have sharp teeth- I'm a puppy, don't you see? For the morning's here And it's time to play I always seem to get my way. So thank you Lord for giving me This human person that I see. The one who hugs and holds me tight And shares her bed with me at night! Author unknown |
| ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
| A Man and His Dog A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog had been dead for years. After a while they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill was a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?" "This is heaven, sir," the man answered. "Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked. "Of course, sir. Come right in and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open. " Can my dog come in too?" the traveler asked. "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets." The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book. "Excuse me" he called to the reader, "Do you have any water?" "Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there." The man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in." "How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog. "There should be a bowl by the pump." They went through the gate and, sure enough, there was an old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the bowl and took a long drink himself. Then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man, who was standing by then, waiting for them. "What do you call this place?" the traveler asked. "This is heaven," was the answer. "Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was heaven too." "Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell." "Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?" "No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave their dogs behind." Author Unknown |
| "I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive." - Gilda Radner |
When you leave them in the morning, they stick
their nose in the door crack and stand there like
a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
--Erma Bombeck
their nose in the door crack and stand there like
a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
--Erma Bombeck
| If you can Start the day without caffeine Get going without pep pills Always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains Resist complaining and boring people with your troubles Eat the same food every day and be grateful for it Understand when your loved one is too busy to give you any time Take criticism and blame without resentment Ignore a friend's limited education and not correct her Resist treating a rich friend better than a poor one Face the world without lies or deceit Conquer tension without medical help Relax without the aid of drugs Say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, colour or religion, Then, my friend, you are almost as good as your dog! - Anon |
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